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To put this in the most humble way possible I am the smartest person you've ever met and if you haven't met me I'm sure that
you've heard plenty of times "Travis is the smartest person I've ever met". In the words of Uncle Ben from the Spiderman
movie "With great power comes great responsibility" and also "No fat chicks". More importantly the first one has shown me
that since I'm on hiades from teaching at MIT I should be passing my wisdom on to my fellow man.
Like the spinning cheese wheel? I thought so...
My first piece of advice is about drinking, this goes to inexperienced drinkers. First of all, alcohol doesn't directly
hit your bloodsteam so drinking straight time until you feel drunk is a good way to make a date with some porcelin later in
the evening. Second, if it's one of the first times you don't need to drink 4 coolers, 3 quarts , 12 beer, and a litre of
moonshine. Since you haven't drank very often in your life your tolerance isn't going to be the same as the experienced drinkers
around you. No one looks down on people who drink small amounts and get drunk, they envy them, so don't try to be superman.
Find what amount gets you to a comfortable level of intoxication and stick with that, then gradually increase the amount liquor
as your tolerance increases. Thirdly and finally when people go to a party they only by the amount of liquor they are going
to drink. No one buys extra, therefore expect no hand-outs unless offered. People get edgy when they're drunk and that means
they get annoyed easier, therefore they find begging annoying. There you go, rookie drinkers should follow this advice and
should do great.
Here's one that's been getting to me for some time
now... When someone tells a story, no matter how much you feel the need, don't top their story with a better story that happened
to you. It makes you look like a dick, someone is pouring out their heart to tell you a humorous, scarey, funny, or exciting
story and then you go ahead and make their story look like shit. It's really not cool to do that and those of you who do should
have idiot carved in your forehead with a razor blade. So my advice is... All you story toppers out there FUCK OFF! Out-doing
someone in the form of a story is gay.
Ok, here we go... Have you ever watched a movie before and said,
"That was the worst movie I've ever seen". You were definitly wrong on that one, On the last night of February I watched
what was undoubtedly the worst movie ever made. I mean this movie was a total bag of shit. The director Olaf Klasablasa
or something really did a great job. A great job of directing a movie that was full of random stories that would pop
up and disappear at will. Most of the time the stories went nowhere and you have no clue how it even relates to the
story. Along the way the movie appears to be building for some sort of amazing climactic battle scene between the Legion
of the Dead and the good guys. You'd think that... but that would be kind of cool and this movie is against anything
cool. It ends with some actually ok looking demon things attacking the people in a bar. That lasts for about
8 seconds and in that span some useless people die and one of the main charactors. Some weird shit happens and then
the movie ends with explaining that it was all a dream. Movie not going anywhere?? Why not end it by explaining that
it was a ll a dream.... Fuck what a shitty ass movie. I'm going to sue them because they owe me 94 minutes of my life
which a wasted on this crusty dog jizz of a movie. Therefore some movies should just be burned and not rented.
This is like the UFO that me and Uhlman seen, actually it's
nothing like it but still.
Anyways... Is it a Saturday night and you and your friends are
bored, and you need some entertainment? You know what is a great source of fun? Getting baked and going Cosmic Bowling
at the Lunenburg Bowlerama ... did I say fun? I meant the worst possible experience I've ever endured. I knew
we were in trouble the second we arrived in the parking lot. Things began with a 20 minute mission in the parking lot
to find a fucking cell phone. I knew we were too baked to be in public at that point anyways. So then we walk
in, and decide to stake out the counter we get our shoes for a good 5 minutes. The bowling clerk just lookin'
at us thinkin' what the hell are these fuck ups doing? So we get are shoes and sit down... After we sit down I swear
to god there was so much shit going on in that place it was fucking me up. Lights........ Spinning Things..... Glowing
Things..... good god....... This threw me into a rage, I questioned why anyone would build a place like
this. I wouldn't have gotten through the night if it wasn't for my dawg hirtle how managed to try and talk just like
I did. The ideas that spewed from our mouthes... Things like future... and going taking a test in the school desk. Things
hirtle stuck with me on... but there was two who were putting suspicions in my head. Chera and Krissy were silent and I swore
they were up to somehting. The whole night I thought they were up to something. After two strings of the bowling
that was probably the hardest thing I've done in my life we we're out of that place. Horror over? you'd think that...
We were then trapped in the Amityville shit hole known as Lunenburg, we could not escape, we ended up at the bowling alley
again and again. We were scared. My advice to you is, Lunenburg is a horrid place to go glow bowling.
P.S. "Oh yeah Redman, your tough, throwing elbows, you fucking retard"
Here's one for ICQ users. You know what's annoying? Mosquitos
in your tent... You know what's just as bad people not putting up a message in their ICQ signs. "User is currently away.
You can leave him/her a message." Oh can I? because if you didn't tell me I didn't know I could perform such a feat. Like
most people I just wanna know what you're up to. The default away message doesn't tell me anything. So please
just put something in, something, anything, but please, no more default away messages.
I was oh the phone last night and also looking through
a Zellers flier and I never thought it would be an utter disappointment. Boy was I wrong, this was the
last straw... Toy companies are ruining toys. I don't know who thinks this shit up anymore but it's absolutly terrible.
I'm too old to play with toys now but if I wasn't? I still wouldn't play with the sad attempts they put out now. First
off was Lego, Lego was four things space, pirates, knights and normal. Now there are more kinds then you could
ever imagine. Like Harry Potter, and Star Wars and other movie series' that have no busniess being lego.
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